two-twenty

michael xxx

Today’s Daily News reports that rumors of Michael Jackson’s religious team-switching were greatly exaggerated. Jackson’s “official mouthpiece” (gee, we could do a lot with that one, but we’ll leave it to you) stated simply, “That’s not true.” The mouthpiece added, “Michael has always been a Jehovah's Witness." Well, the Witnesses do ascribe to the theory of “get ‘em while they’re young”… ooh, maybe we should have left that one to you as well.

This is an unfortunate development, as two-twenty has been examining the tenets of Islam and how they might suit Jacko’s lifestyle. Preliminary research has led us to resounding evidence suggesting MJ may have already studied the Koran, specifically the following two passages describing Muslim Paradise:

In Gardens of Bliss: A number of people from those of old, And a few from those of later times. (They will be) on Thrones encrusted (with gold and precious stones), Reclining on them, facing each other. Round about them will (serve) youths of perpetual (freshness), With goblets, (shining) beakers, and cups (filled) out of clear-flowing fountains: No after-ache will they receive therefrom, nor will they suffer intoxication: And with fruits, any that they may select: And the flesh of fowls, any that they may desire. And (there will be) Companions with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes,- Like unto Pearls well-guarded. 56:12-23

Doesn’t that sound exactly like the scene at Neverland Ranch? But wait, there’s more…

And round about them will (serve) youths of perpetual (freshness): If thou seest them, thou wouldst think them scattered Pearls. And when thou lookest, it is there thou wilt see a Bliss and a Realm Magnificent. Upon them will be green Garments of fine silk and heavy brocade, and they will be adorned with Bracelets of silver; and their Lord will give to them to drink of a Wine Pure and Holy. 76: 19-21

Boys, brocade and wine. Paradise on earth.