February 05, 2004
religion + hollywood = battlefield earth
Some Christians See New Muppet Movie as Evangelism Tool
With Apologies to LAURIE GOODSTEIN
Published: February 5, 2004
For years it was an article of faith for many Christians that the most powerful vehicle for bringing nonbelievers to Jesus were the tears of Tammy Faye.
Now, they expect it will be a Muppet movie.
Three weeks before the release of “The Muppets and Torquemada Are Friends” – a graphic portrayal of the torture and brutality of the Inquisistion couched in the lovable familiarity of America’s favorite puppets – Christians nationwide are busy preparing to use it in an immense grass-roots evangelistic campaign.
Mr. Statler N. Waldorf, who produced, directed and largely financed the film, has tried to stoke their enthusiasm by screening it the past two months for at least 10,000 pastors and leaders of Christian ministries and media. Many emerged proclaiming it a searing, gut-wrenching experience.
Now those leaders are buying blocks of tickets, encouraging church members to invite their "unsaved" friends and co-workers, and producing television commercials that start with scenes of grotesque, almost unimaginable torture and finish with Kermit the Frog making a pitch for their churches.
"I don't know of anything since The Farting Evangelist or the Crusades that has had the potential of touching so many lives," said Morris H. Chapman, president of the executive committee of the Southern Baptist Convention, the nation's largest Protestant denomination. "It's like the Lord somehow laid in our lap something that could be a great catalyst for spiritual awakening in this nation." Mr. Chapman then snickered. “No pun intended. Laid! The Farting Evangelist? Get it?”
The movie opens on Ash Wednesday, Feb. 25, and Christian groups are already distributing merchandise to capitalize on the moment. There are small vials of grey dust labeled as “genuine ash of infidels burned at the stake,” and "witnessing cards" to give to those who ask about the vials, explaining what methods of torture they might expect if they do not accept the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal savior. There are door hangers in the shape of cowled Muppet characters for the neighbors; one million tracts asking moviegoers to "Take a moment right now to agree with us before we rip out your tongue and brand your genitals” and a CD-ROM for teenagers that features downloadable movies depicting the use of such popular truth-enhancers as the "Heretics Fork" and the "Pear". Instructions for fun group activities are included, should the teens be (un)fortunate enough to know any Jews, Muslims, homosexuals, or uppity women.
Although Mr. Waldorf is Roman Catholic and the movie is replete with Catholic touches, like the arbitrary nature of arrests for heresy and the virtual impossibility of acquittal once charged, influential Pentecostal and evangelical leaders have embraced it anyway, seeing its value as a tool in evangelism. Evangelical Christians account for 30 percent to 40 percent of the American population, and many of them have recently been hearing their leaders declare that the nation is primed for a return of the ecstatic Inquisitions and Crusades that moved countless believers over the ages to rape, pillage, torture, destroy, or otherwise render under their power anything that did not agree with their narrow worldview.
Mr. Waldorf's film company has hired several marketing firms and individuals experienced in combining cute puppets with difficult subject matter, including Peter Jackson, director of "Meet The Feebles". Reached for comment, Mr. Jackson's assistant's assistant said, “Piss off. The man's about to win an Oscar for Chrissake. And no I'm not free on Friday night." But much of the promotion was initiated by an assortment of ministry agencies, churches and individual torture enthusiasts.
One of these, the American Tract Society in Garland, Tex., proclaims on its Web site that the movie is "one of the greatest opportunities to convert or destroy the heathens in literally hundreds of years." Daniel Southern, the society's president, said his group had produced two tracts tied into the movie, and expected the one entitled “Find The Lord or Die” to sell well over one million copies (the other is called “Understanding the Harlot: Redeeming Miss Piggy Through Humiliation and Torture”). The only involvement of Mr. Waldorf's company, Mr. Southern said, was in granting permission to use a movie still (picturing Animal dancing beside the mutilated corpses of a Jew and a headless Moor) on the cover.
"This is an unprecedented opportunity that the average Christian needs to seize," Mr. Southern said. "You'll run into people at work who've seen the movie, and you can say, `Have you ever thought about why God is cruel to you?' And then you can say: `Because you’re a fucking homo and your Mom is a Jew.' And you hand them the tract showing what exactly will happen to them if they don’t repent. You’ll be surprised how understanding most folks will be once they see that Fozzie the Bear and Gonzo the… er… ah… Gonzo the God’s Creature are on our side, the side of Jesus Christ."
Teen Mania, an evangelical group that holds youth crusades in stadiums, says at least 3,000 leaders of church youth groups have bought CD-ROM kits that instruct young people in how to terrorize their schools until each and every one of their peers is either dead, imprisoned, enslaved, or accepts the power of Christ into their lives.
The film is rated R because of the violent torture and mutilation of heretics that occupies much of its two hours. Ron Luce, president of Teen Mania, says children would benefit from seeing it, and the CD-ROM supplies information to persuade parents to allow their children to attend.
"This isn't just violence for violence's sake," Mr. Luce said. "This is what really happened, what it would have been like to have been there in person to experience the Inquisition."
Ed. Note: Opponents of Christ have been quick to point out that the Muppets are not all sugar and spice, citing the existence of Evil Bert. In a move that has shocked the Muppet community, proponents of Islam claim they have signed the Fraggles to star in “Jihad: Final Victory Over the Infidel Doozers and Gorgs”.
Some Christians See "Passion" as Evangelism Tool | NY Times
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