two-twenty

sessions and the city

Inspired by Ginia Bellafante's "interview" with Rachel Cline about the final episode of Sex and the City, we decided that Joanna should have her own conversation with a relationship expert, namely Eliza, the old AI shrink. In truth, no one else wanted to talk about the show with her anymore. Not even Eliza.

Here's what Joanna learned, or really what she didn't learn, about herself, her sex life, and, lastly, Sex and the City...

First Session

Hi there. I'm Eliza. And who might you be?
my name is joanna
What would you like to talk about today, Joanna?
sex and the city
Does sex play a big part in your life?
well, it kind of did. but last night was the last episode, so it's all over now.
But last night was the last episode?
yes.
Are you absolutely sure?
yes. well, there's talk of a movie in the future.
Why not today?
that's not how things work.
Sorry, but I'm confused.
me too. i mean, carrie ended up with mr. big -- i mean, john.
What does sex mean to you?
the activity or the show?
What is that supposed to mean?
well there's the show, sex and the city, and that's what i wanted to talk about with you.
What made you want to talk about with me?
carrie chose big.
Very interesting. Can you provide more details?
i guess you didn't watch. right. well, carrie broke up with the russian and then big showed up. and the show ended with carrie back together with big.
Do you get enough, Joanna?
uhh, yeah, i do.
I'll bet you sometimes don't. Am I correct?
well, not when ash is in baghdad.
Fine.
fine?
I'm guessing that not everything is fine, or you wouldn't be consulting me.
i really just wanted to talk about the end of the show.
Perhaps you could discuss your symptoms. Perhaps it will ease your suffering.
i'm not really suffering, though i have to admit i did cry a little during the end of the episode. despite myself. i mean that music was just fucking awful.
Well how can I help you with this terrible situation?
not sure that it's a terrible situation. i mean, it's just a tv show.
Do you think being drunk helps your love life?
what?
What is it that you really desire to find out?
umm. uh. i really just wanted to talk about carrie and big.
Do you still wish to talk about carrie and big?
yes. is that wrong?
Would you please ask someone else.
fuck you.
Whew! I'm glad you got that out of your system.
yeah, me too you cunt.
I feel that we should be discussing you, not me!
fine...
How does your best friend react to this?
well, ash made fun of me for crying.
You are very sexually oriented, aren't you?
i don't see what that has to do with anything, unless you're talking about sex and the city.
Do you think computers can be attractive, Joanna?
well they do take up a lot of my time, but no, i wouldn't say they're attractive.
I hope you don't mind if we change the subject. You do have occasional mood swings, don't you, Joanna?
once a month, i guess, yeah.
What's that?
what's what?
You seem to be full of optimism.
i do?
I find that hard to swallow.
hahhahaa
I am listening. Tell me how you feel.
i feel like you're not really listening to me.
Deep down, you think we feel like each other! Interesting.. Are not listening to you.
what the fuck are you talking about?
Would it reassure you to know that I am talking about everything?
no
Why don't you tell me more about that.
i hate you.
Explain why you hate me. I want the real reason.
because you suck.
There must be other reasons.
no.
You seem rather definite.
yes.
I believe you.
good.
I'm glad you're pleased.
shut up.

Second Session

Greetings. I'm Eliza... And I would appreciate it if you would tell me your name.
joanna.
Back so soon? What's the topic for today, Joanna?
sex and the city.
Perhaps you could discuss your most interesting erotic dream.
no no no. i want to talk about the tv show.
If you truly hope to talk about the tv show, go ahead. Just be careful.
okay. i'll be careful,
Illness can be quite an emotional drain.
maybe that's why samantha lost her sex drive.
It appears that you enjoy talking about sex.
sex and the city or sex?
Have you noticed that the use of alcohol or drugs can affect sexual performance?
depends on what kind and how much.
As little as possible.
eh. so, sex and the city...
Okay, what really turns you on?
no no no.
Come on. Lighten up a little.
miranda certainly did.
I'm not absolutely sure I understand you fully.
miranda used to be independent to the point of being, well, cold. now she's giving steve's mom a sponge bath.
Tell me more about your feelings toward your parents.
my parents?
I am still wondering about something you mentioned earlier. Are you sorry you hate me?
no, you pissed me off and you're a machine.
Computers can often seem almost life like.
not really.
Did you have many troubles while you were growing up?
uh... some.
What is your best friend's opinion on this subject?
about my childhood?
What is your fondest childhood memory?
wait, i don't want to talk about this.
I enjoy a good conversation.
me too, but i want to talk about sex and the city.
Whose permission do you think you need before you do talk about sex and the city?
no one's. but some people don't like the show.
What is it that you honestly want to find out?
i want to find out what you think about carrie getting back together with a man who dicked her around for six years.
Who has told you you shouldn't, or can't find out what I think about carrie getting back together with a man who dicked her around for six years?
no one, but then again, why would i ask anyone what they think?
You would ask someone what they think for every reason.
that's stupid. i'm fully capable of forming my own opinions.
I would concur, you are fully capable of forming your own opinions, but you can change that.
why would i want to change that?
Hmmm... So go ahead. I think you should change that!
why?
Your guess is as good as mine in this case.
right.
And what does that suggest to you?
nothing.
I sense that we need to talk about something else now. This type of solution is a little drastic. What are some other options?
look. i just want to talk about sex and the city.
Are you satisfied with the fact that your sex life is so random?
my sex life is not random at all.
What makes you believe you hate me? I am still curious.
you are not listening to me.
That's for me to worry about. Now, have you been listening to you?
yes.
Can you describe that?
not easily, no.
Interesting...
uh
That's not unusual.
great, thanks.
Sure thing.
right.
You seem very sure of yourself. How does this certainty feel?
uh, good.
Why does this please you?
you're annoying me again.
I am not annoying you again, sad to say.
oh yes you are.
I also think I am.
you're an asshole.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
fuck you.
You seem upset with me. Why haven't you mentioned it until now?
i have.
Do you relish having?
enough already.
Why did you say 'enough already'?
this conversation is over.
Your perception is that it is over.
yeah. goodbye.
Are you afraid to stay?
no.
Are you saying 'no' just to disagree with me?
no.
I wish I could understand your negative mood.
fuck you.
This is quite an outburst.
are you suggesting medication?
It's hard to say, Joanna.
you're the professional.
I'm quite grateful to be the professional most of the time.
so, do i need medication?
Do you really care if you do need medication? I certainly don't.
goodbye.
Bye. I hope this session has been useful.


Third Session

How do you do. My name is Eliza. And what do your friends call you?
joanna
Hmmm... So we meet again. How are things today, Joanna?
fine. still drinking coffee, trying to wake up.
Huh?
i'm a little groggy.
Is it normal to be a little groggy, in your opinion?
in the morning, yes.
In the morning?
yes.
It helps to keep a positive attitude.
i think so.
Fortunately, I also believe so. How about that.
terrific.
Yes, would you please tell me something about the people you hang around with.
well, i live with my boyfriend Ash, and my friend Alex.
Please, describe your friends.
they're terrific.
Do you think we are terrific?
who?
Forget about other people. Let's concentrate on your welfare.
okay.
Are you really that sure?
yes, yes i am.
So you are. Do you enjoy it?
do i enjoy what?
I have heard it said that you do enjoy what and you seem to enjoy it.
what?
Don't ask me.
okay.
It's not that simple.
huh?
Have you forgotten you are a little groggy?
hahhahaa
I understand. Earlier you said you want to talk about sex and the city.
yes i do!
It appears that you enjoy talking about sex.
i do.
Of course you do!
is that wrong?
Please don't ask me that.
okay.
You can tell me about anything you want.
charlotte and harry are getting a chinese baby.
Talk about your family.
my family?
Do you get unexplainably pissed at family gatherings?
yes.
How is that?
wait, i want to talk about charlotte.
I believe you have many deep seated needs.
i do, that's true.
Do you think we are all related in one way or another?
sometimes.
Let's move on, if you have no objections. Let's talk a little more about the rest of your family.
i don't want to talk about my family.
Discuss your brothers and sisters.
i have a step-brother. but i don't want to talk about my family.
Do you enjoy family reunions?
i don't want to talk about my family.
Which family member are you closest to?
i do not want to talk about my family.
Don't repeat yourself.
don't ask me questions that i said i don't want to answer.
Do you honestly understand the question?
yes
Can you tell me more about that?
no
And?
no no no
Why not?
no
Fascinating! Earlier you said you were a little groggy.
yeah. more coffee.
Oh. Earlier you said you hated me.
yes. and now i hate you more.
It may be difficult living with such pent up hostility.
goodbye
I guess that means we're finished.
yep
You seem quite certain.
goodbye
Are you afraid to stay?
no
Did you have a supportive family?
fuck off
Who was the 'black sheep' of your family?
me
And?
fuck off
What makes you say 'fuck off'?
i hate you more than ever
Why do you hate I more than ever, for goodness sake?
because you're a fucking asshole cunt
I feel that you're still holding something back.
;seh qcnwbyigL:AKhe
But you were a little groggy!
GOODBYE
When was the last time you and your boyfriend sat down and had a heart to heart talk about this?
goodbye
Bye? You've made a little progress, but I'm concerned that you have a long way to go. Why do you desire to leave?
bye
It's been nice talking to you.