March 10, 2004
killing time (and brain cells) with a vengeance
We're not sure if it's because the global village idiots have officially taken over town hall, or if Americans have grown as bored with their citys' offerings as a kid at her mother's third wedding ceremony, but people are resorting to some bizarre activities to get out of the house. Two-twenty generally applauds innovation, but this latest spate of calculated distractions is so contrived that we've brainstormed some alternatives that we'd find just as fun, and often a lot more cost effective.
movieoke
East Village cineasts/exhibitionists are gathering weekly at Two Boots Den of Cin to recite dialogue from subtitles while scenes plays behind them.
two-twenty's movieoke
Buy a shitoad of Budweiser tall-boys and Michelob Ultra. Make Joanna drink the Michelob Ultra. Slip "Empire Strikes Back" into the old video tape player and ignore her clucks about it "not [being] the effing widescreen version!" -- she'll shut up once the crawl starts. Sit back, and listen as she recites every other line of the film. Drink another tall-boy when her babbling starts to annoy you: once Yoda hits the screen again you'll be laughing like a kid during her mother's third divorce.
staring contests
According to trendcentral, after a December screening of the film STAREMASTER: THE MOVIE at Pianos on the LES, "patrons rushed to the stage to create their own StareMaster contest". the rules are stringent, playground rules.
two-twenty's staring contests
Buy a shitoad of Budweiser tall-boys and Michelob Ultra. Commence staring contest. Joanna will be eliminated almost immediately due to hysterical fit of laughter. Let Alex and Ash duke it out until they require another beer. Turn on television and stare at that instead. Drink beer until convinced that television is staring back.
pornaoke
Thanks again for everything, Germany. On the last Wednesday of every month at Lucy's Hat Shop in Philly, participants provide the soundtracks to screened porn.
two-twenty's pornaoke
Buy a shitoad of Budweiser tall-boys and Michelob Ultra. Drink beer while watching Cinemax on demand "Max After Dark" movie. Barrage stone-faced Alex with dumb questions about Project Date-Our-Flatmate until he tells Ash and Joanna to "shut the fuck up".
chess boxing
This one hasn't hit New York yet to our knowledge, but it's a matter of time. In this Dutch invention, players alternate chess with boxing for a maximum of eleven rounds. The winner is determined by either a knockout or checkmate.
two-twenty's chess boxing
Buy a shitoad of Budweiser tall-boys and Michelob Ultra. Have Ash launch a computer chess game application and tell him there are beers in the refrigerator. Bring one to him when he asks. Let him play against the machine until he starts screaming "you fucking cheating monkey" so loudly that you can hear him from the other room. Go to any bar populated by suits just as happy-hour has turned ugly. Sit down at a table with a clear view of the bar and send Joanna to get drinks. Let Alex feign opposition to Ash's pugilistic instincts before averring that he's "got [Ash's] back". Watch the blood fly, then promptly exit.
rock paper scissors
Blame Canada. The 2003 Molson Canadian Rock Paper Scissors International Championships took place last October in Toronto featuring competitors from all over The States, including All Too Flat from New York, vying for world domination. You know the rules.
two-twenty's rock paper scissors
Run out of Budweiser tall-boys and Michelob Ultra. Commence competition to determine who will make beer run. Drink shitoad of Budweiser tall-boys and Michelob Ultra. Play again to determine how to kill rest of evening.
related entries:
july 14th 2006 | missus hamburger
franks bar and restuarant, vienna | mister hamburger
nick burns on nicks and razor burn