two-twenty

surrounded by assholes: truth in advertising edition

So, this morning whilst paging through the front section of the Times over a cup of Oren's Daily Roast, two things struck two-twenty. Three actually, but our opinion on the bombing in Baghdad is about as useful as Ben Affleck's opinion on, well, anything.

Item the first: hottt!! new t-shirt for you kids out there who are too kewl for the now clearly played "Voting is for Old People" t-shirt (banned at Urban Outfitters but available now on ebay for, let's see, $31.50 as of 9am EST): a Bloomingdales colorectal cancer T! You can see it here if you click on the "Fight Cancer" tab on the left. It's not distressed, but it is overpriced, and more importantly is modeled by Colin Farrell and Mandy Moore and features a big bright shining star on the chest... hmm, hold on a sec. Is it just us or has the star symbol been used to allude to a certain... nope, it's not just us according to The Asshole King (er, no dangerous graphics but not really work safe in spirit. Unless maybe you are an ass doctor, or a professor of ass-ology). This line of reasoning is further supported by Kurt Vonnegut in his book "Breakfast of Champions", assuming you can make the logical step from an asterisk to a star (we have faith in our readers). So, there you have it. Show your support for the assholes of the rich and famous by displaying one on your shirt, and lament the fact that they come in Virginal Pink and Funky Green, but not, alas, in Skidmark Brown.

Item the second: a Cingular wireless ad. Headline: "With Cingular Nation, you never get charged for roaming or long distance." Cute, 'clever' reinforcement: little Cingular asterisk-like (!) spokesthing says "Never means never." Small print at bottom of page: "Calls placed outside calling plan area $.79 per minute."