two-twenty

ryan seacrest's personal advice columnist

Who the eff is Alan Goldsher? Well, according to his MSN byline he is a sort of modern day Renaissance man:
 
Alan Goldsher's advice columns have garnered a cult following of satisfied singles and the recently coupled. Alan - who, as a bassist, has recorded with Janet Jackson and Digable Planets - is the author of the novels "Jam" and "The Record Haus," as well as the book, "Hard Bop Academy: The Sidemen of Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers." Visit Alan at www.alangoldsher.com, or ask him your question at askalan@match.com.
 
(By all means, please do visit Alan. While you're there, you can sign his guestbook, a place for "Shoutouts, props, whaddups, and the like".)
 
According, however, to any sort of objective reading of this piece on today's msn.com start-up page, Alan Goldsher is, put simply, a girl. Either that, or phrases such as "getting dumped is heinous", "squishing his heart", and "big-time passive/aggressive treatment" have escaped from the pages of Cosmo and found a new home in the male psyche.