June 17, 2005
pershing square | mister hamburger
Pershing Square, 42nd street and Park Avenue opposite Grand Central terminal.
BURGER NAME: Sirloin Burger, $12 (Or $15 with fries. Criminals.)
FIRST IMPRESSION: 
Looked clean and edible.
APPEARANCE: 
Booooooring. They didn't seem to care much about that eating with your eyes thing.
MEAT: 
Sirloin. Good.
BUN: Little stale. Toasted well but just dried out the burger more.
PACKAGE: not greatly impressed at all, just bored.
TASTE: Meat and swiss cheese were very good together, not enough bells and whistles were not at all exciting.
DRIPPYNESS: Just like this review, the drippyness was average. Everything about this burger was average. Average sucks, and Mister Hamburger doesn't like average. I mean if I hate something then it is good to review and vent over the horrid experience, and if I loved the burger, then I can write a blow job piece. Mister Hamburger swears never to write another review about an average burger, unless I feel like it. Or I get paid.
MEAT TEXTURE : Impressed with the texture at least, though the fuck who over cooked it is still getting the hamburger and chain.
MEAT COLOR: 
Great color - i mean for a change it looked like I was actually eating meat.
SIZE: Pretty average. I mean it was big, but minus the all important bells and whistles, it just didn't cut it.
VALUE: Far too expensive. I think it is one of those annoying NYC things though - where you pay for rent; and I mean who the fuck does not want to sit right next to one of Manhattans busiest thoroughfares. Dicks.
COOKED TO SPECS: As ALWAYS I asked for medium rare and those fuckers gave me a medium. I mean how hard is it to cook a burger medium rare when you're a professional burger flipper? Morons. Mister Hamburger thinks that they should be given a ball and burger type thing until they learn how to cook. Like a big steel hamburger and a chain for their foot, and when they can cook to specs, then it will be given to the next chef who has ruined Mister Hamburgers day.
AMOUNT OF LOVE FROM CHEF: I couldn't see or taste any real love. Maybe some passion, but he just seemed bored. Like Mister Hamburger eating it.
FROM DELIVERY PERSON/WAITER: 
Bitches. Total fucking bitches. Average racks.
ONE HOUR LATER: 
Felt really good.
BELLS AND WHISTLES: My colleague said the pickles were good. All they gave us though was some lettuce a slice of tomato and a pickle. No fries - $12 for a fucking burger that is so boring it makes you want to fall asleep and no fries for additional head rest?
FINAL IMPRESSION: Hard to enjoy because we were being eaten alive by bugs and mozzies. So much itching it was crazy. The burger was cool, but $12 was steep for it. Nothing really great about it. For $8 I would have been happy and given it three burgers. Paying rent at this stupid place and guessing it is full of suits most of the time. If mediocrity and hanging out with cock knockers in suits is your thing, then you'll love Pershing Square.
july 14th 2006 | missus hamburger
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