June 21, 2005
shake shack | mister hamburger
Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
BURGER NAME: Cheeseburger, $3.69
FIRST IMPRESSION: 
Like a burger looked back home in Melbourne. Served in greasy wax paper, and in a box with whatever else you ordered, it's really simple. It's burger heaven. You can smoke while you order, smoke while you pick up your order, smoke while your slow eating friend finishes and smoke while you drink the beers you ordered. All outside in the park.
New York Magazine voted this the best burger in the city two years running, which makes it pretty clear that they're a bunch of dicks who can't think outside of the Paris Hilton/Maer Roshan/rewrites of Page 6 box. I mean they said in their review of it last year that it was NYC's answer to In'n'Out burger - why on earth would anyone claiming to be a New Yorker make a parallel with something those shit monkeys on the West coast came up with and say ours is as good. Danny Meyer obviously thought of it first and In'nOut burger stole it from his mind using super technology from outer space.
I mean it is a fucking good burger, but best in the city? Morons.
APPEARANCE: Joanna said "you know, those burgers just look like a picture of a burger." I think she wanted to be quoted like people in the Zagat's thing, so there it is.
MEAT: Brilliant. Fresh, cooked perfectly.
BUN: 
This bun is not toasted but it doesn't need to be. It is covered in greasy goodness, it is moist, and fresh. Awesome buns. Not like the average racks at that dump near grand central. I'd settle for awesome buns over an average rack any day.
PACKAGE: No charm whatsoever, but that's kinda the charm of this place.
TASTE: Extremely rich flavors in the cheese and the meat. The meat is just such high quality and cooked so well that it alone is brilliant.
DRIPPYNESS: 
Best drippyness on a burger I have had in my entire life.
MEAT TEXTURE : Awesome.
MEAT COLOR: Awesome.
SIZE: They are the perfect size. Big ain't always better in burgers, though the thing small cocked men say is not right at all. I have never met a girl who likes small dicks.
VALUE: About five bucks for some fries and a burger. The best.
COOKED TO SPECS:
AMOUNT OF LOVE FROM CHEF:
FROM DELIVERY PERSON/WAITER: It is a fashionable fast food joint, but the service is pretty good considering. Less attitude from the people cooking and giving you the food than the dicks who take your order.
ONE HOUR LATER: Felt great and ordering another burger now 5 hours on.
BELLS AND WHISTLES: Shakes really good. Fries alright, not bad not good. They have Poochini's too, which is a three buck dish for the dog. Peanut butter on the bottom to keep them busy while you eat, frozen custard on top with dog croquettes stuffed in.
FINAL IMPRESSION: There was a huge bitch fight between two gangs of marauding ho's on the corner within view which involved women kicking other women while those lame park ranger types unsuccessfully tried to do something to stop it; I bought two well cooked phones after lunch from someone for a good deal; my dog is happy and full and not as annoying as normal; I smoked the entire time; and I had a fucking bad ass burger. Oh, and I got the phones unlocked at a place around the corner. Like I said, burger heaven.
july 14th 2006 | missus hamburger
franks bar and restuarant, vienna | mister hamburger
nick burns on nicks and razor burn