July 16, 2005
the park | mister hamburger
The Park, 118 10th Ave, Btwn 17th & 18th St, 212-352-3313
BURGER NAME: Burger with onion rings, Cheese and bacon extra. $10.
FIRST IMPRESSION: 
The cheese was melted nicely on top of the patty and we had a good seat. We had a good seat because there was a bomb scare right outside minutes before we arrived, and the NYPD had dogs and bomb squad come down and cordon off the whole block. While we went to another nearby place, they found a garbage bag with guitar strings inside, leaving the Park and the neighboring bar completely empty for us.
Apparently it is usually filled with dicks from this part of town and a whole bunch of bridge and tunnel sluts and dickheads, so we got lucky. Outside table in the smoking section and only one table of trash monkeys dressed like they had come from mowing the lawn in Hoboken with their dirty hoe bitches dressed like they had just come from redecorating their trailers.
Said the waitress at the place we had to wait for the bomb squad to clean up "If i was going to bomb a place around here, I'd do the park as well."
APPEARANCE: The bun was split so Mister Hamburger could appreciate the good meat and cheese, and they forgot my bacon so they brought it on a separate little place which was cool. Bacon should always be put on a separate plate, it makes it look so serious and good.
MEAT: 
Good flavor though not special.
BUN: Fresh bread, covered the entire patty, and a good width. Mister hamburger hates buns that are too thick.
PACKAGE: Good plate of food.
TASTE: The fries were really good, excellent in fact, and the rest of the burger was good too, though like i said, it wasn't really that special.
DRIPPYNESS: 
Slightly over cooked and dry.
MEAT TEXTURE : The meat was definitely of a good quality and grind, though I think the chef was scared of getting blown into bits of a new hamburger and could not concentrate.
MEAT COLOR: Looked real. Better than lots of places Mister Hamburger eats at.
SIZE: Perhaps slightly too many fries. Mister Hamburger does not like too much food, he likes them small.
VALUE: Average for the food but the atmosphere of the place was very nice. Big open air space and polished wood and cavernous inside.
COOKED TO SPECS: Everything was pretty spot on, but the chef freaked out because of the bomb and couldn't do medium rare. Mister Hamburger very very very rarely gives chefs the benefit of the doubt, but in this case he is prepared to go back and try again. Mister Hamburger thinks that chefs who does not cook to specs should have an eye poked out for each grade he cooks out of the requested doneness. Or have the hamburger stuffed in their ass.
AMOUNT OF LOVE FROM CHEF: He tried but was preoccupied. Pussy.
FROM DELIVERY PERSON/WAITER: 
He was nice and did not complain so much. Just your average metrovague wanna be actor who is happy being paid $5 an hour serving bridge and tunnel trash and Leo for the moment.
ONE HOUR LATER: Good. Vodka helped though.
BELLS AND WHISTLES: Damn good fries. Onions, lettuce were all good and heinz ketchup. Mister Hamburger thinks that Mayor Bloomberg should issue an edict that makes it illegal to serve anything but Heinz.. in fact:
FINAL IMPRESSION: Best thing about the place was the environment. Really nice looking place except for the horrible Jersey types.
july 14th 2006 | missus hamburger
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nick burns on nicks and razor burn