November 10, 2005
stella mccartney mania | joanna
H&M clothing is like crack: it's cheap, provides a short, intense high, and, over time, becomes a regrettable addiction difficult to break. Stella McCartney's collection for H&M is like cocaine: it's "chic", a bit more expensive, and, apparently, everyone in New York is openly doing it.
As a recovering H&M addict, I generally limit my forays to the shop(s) for essentially disposable accessories, namely, the wide black hair elastics, and the stockings (fishnet, opaque, sheer, whatever), but the siren song of Miss Stella proved too difficult to ignore. I swear, I tried to stay away, and even attempted to solicit dissuasion from my friend Liz in the form of an e-mail: "I try to stay out... but they keep pulling me back in." Her response? "Well... this is special! And worth it!"
Fully enabled, I arrived at the H&M on 34th and Herald Square at around 11:30. I knew Lagerfeld's collection sold out in minutes, but Stella's? Surely not.
Gone. Seriously. Everything but some ridiculous bikini with a rhinestone encrusted triangle bra that to any woman with a cup-size bigger than an A looks like two pasties conveniently connected by a string (you know, so you don't lose one of them). Apparently, there were women lined up at the Herald Square shop at 8AM. Okay.
At this point, I'm jonesing. I remembered that there's another H&M on 34th and 7th. I walk in, and there are, I don't know, 100 women standing by the escalator. At first I thought they were in line to check out. No. They were waiting for the next shipment of coke merchandise.
Suddenly, the escalators switch directions, and like highly suggestible lemmings, the more optimistic junkies glide upstairs, albeit wearing utterly confused expressions. Others see the escalator flip-flop as a ruse and remain downstairs. At this juncture, I'm no longer interested in the clothing; I am utterly fascinated by how strangely everyone is behaving.
The traffic flowing upstairs allowed more people to gather in the allocated Stella section...
...inciting the ladies who went up to return downstairs.
When I left, there were about 200 women still waiting. According to a clerk behind the counter, the shipment would be arriving within minutes, and would be the last of the day.
Still curious, I returned to the Herald Square shop. It was dead. I approached one of the workers there to inquire about future shipments. According to her, the Herald Square Store will get more product in at 8AM tomorrow morning, and the 7th Avenue shop is due to replenish at 3PM and 8PM today.
I'm not going back. Can't do it. Not giving in to the Scandinavian ski demons. No no no.
But if you see the blue dress — is it a dress? I don't care, whatever it is in the window — in a size 8, can you get it for me? And those boots, too, if they even sell them, in a size 7.5. Yeah, those. I'll pay you back. I promise.
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