December 12, 2005
mcdonalds in nanning, china | mister hamburger
McDonald's, Central Nanning, Southern China
(Mister Hamburger regrets to say the Home Delivery option isn't available, even though Mister Hamburger is in the land of home delivery.)
BURGER NAME: Double Cheeseburger, medium fries, and orange juice. $3.
FIRST IMPRESSION: 
Noodles, rice, noodles, rice, noodles, rice, noodles, rice, noodles fucking rice. Even if they had served Mister Hamburger a bit of skanky meat between buns, first impression would have been five hamburgers because Mister Hamburger had had enough of going native.
APPEARANCE: Not noodles. Mister Hamburger loves not noodles.
MEAT: 
Good. Consistent like the McDonalds in New York or in Australia. All the same 1000's of cows in each patty.
BUN: 
Very fresh, very sweet. Lightly toasted. Wonderful. And not noodles.
PACKAGE: Everything was very fresh and Mister Hamburger has decided that McDonald's in China is better than any McDonald's in America. These Chinese take pride in their burger making skills. Mister Hamburger has mostly respect for the model citizens of communism working at McDonald's.
TASTE: Did Mister Hamburger mention the shock of a hamburger to his tastebuds was well received over the standard noodles and rice?
DRIPPYNESS: 
Even in China they can't make the Macca's drip.
MEAT TEXTURE : Much better than the fried dog or whatever the fuck Mister Hamburger pointed at to be fried, barbequed, and covered in weirdo sauce the other night.
MEAT COLOR: Was not the pale color of noodles or rice.
SIZE: Same size as every other burger in the world from McDonald's. Very socialist and fair.
VALUE: Cheap as shit. Mister Hamburger has decided not to buy tonnes of cheap Chinese clothes and electronics whilst here and gorge himself on McDonalds because of the bargain basement red spot special prices.
COOKED TO SPECS: Best Macca's ever.
AMOUNT OF LOVE FROM CHEF: Model communist peoples hero.
FROM DELIVERY PERSON/WAITER: Mister Hamburger had the feeling that she was talking about him in front of him like Korean manicurists do in front of Missus Hamburger-to-be.
ONE HOUR LATER: Mister Hamburger wanted more.
BELLS AND WHISTLES: Fresh fries. Cold orange juice.
FINAL IMPRESSION: 
Mister Hamburger loved almost everything about the McDonalds, except on the wall there was a sign for their regional dishes which are usually fun. At this McDonalds they had some chicken sandwich thing special to China... like a fucking AVIAN FLU BURGER... and on another poster was an apple pie type of thing, but bright purple. That shit don't fly in Mister Hamburger's book, and all through his eating experience he felt ill looking at the sign, but he couldn't stop looking at it. Mister Hamburger returned to the McDonald's later for a follow up round, and sat away from the weirdo pie poster thing, only to have two young girls sit down on the neighboring table and eat two of the fucking things. Four hamburgers was the order of the day for Chinese Macca's, but it drops, and remains at zero until someone can get those fucking purple things away from your good correspondent.
july 14th 2006 | missus hamburger
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