December 25, 2006
st. regis hotel, roma | mister hamburger
BURGER NAME: Classic St. Regis burger with fries (20 Euros)
FIRST IMPRESSION: 
Mister and Missus Hamburger are in Rome for a while, and we're both tired of Pizza and Pasta for every other meal. For Christmas dinner we decided on a burger, a St. Regis burger no less.
The hotel is amazing. Well, the lobby anyway. The Hamburger family did not dare to even ask about prices for a room. It's old school Rome, and the decor alone gave the hamburger and fries an extra hamburger. The cocktails, which preceded the burger helped to, pushing the presentation from a three to an easy four.
APPEARANCE: 
The bun was lightly toasted, and had the mark of the grill on the top. Mister Hamburger loves that. The fries were a nice golden color, and the bacon Mister Hamburger ordered as an extra was the British kind. Really good. And plentiful.
MEAT: The meat was great. As far as Rare/Medium Rare meat goes, the French, with their steak tartare and the Italians, with their carpaccio are second to none. This was no exception. Italian cows are the best.
BUN: No sesame seeds. Lightly oiled and toasted though, which saved it from a lesser rating. Have you ever had Italian bread though? Again, like the French, some of the best. Ever.
PACKAGE: 
They had little jars of Ketchup. Say no more.
TASTE: Not enough cheese, though the bacon, as Missus Hamburger says, makes it better. She's a good apple, that one.
DRIPPYNESS: 
It dripped over Mister Hamburgers new fancy shirt. And it soaked the bun, suggesting it might have been a little bit much. Before it dripped on Mister Hamburgers shirt and ruined the awesomo bread it was five. In Mister Hamburger's books, the only thing worse than not enough drippyness is too much drippyness.
MEAT TEXTURE: Overhead: "That meat was worked over more than a Ukrainian whore."
MEAT COLOR: Not seared enough on the outside and not red enough on the inside.
SIZE: As usual, Mister Hamburger could not finish he fries. The burger was a wonderful size though. Tall enough to fit in Mister Hamburgers mouth, and wide enough to hold and have the drippyness ruin Mister Hamburgers new shirt.
VALUE: 
At twenty Euros it should have been better considering that's about fifteen thousand U.S. dollars. Mister Hamburger hates the U.S. dollar.
COOKED TO SPECS: 
Mister Hamburger asked for rare. Rare like Carpaccio. Not Rare like medium rare, goddam it.
AMOUNT OF LOVE FROM CHEF: Love in the fries, but Mister Hamburger thinks the chef wanted to be home with his family for Christmas.
FROM DELIVERY PERSON/WAITER: The waiter was happy not to be at home with his family. Mister Hamburger guesses he has bad home life and volunteered for the shift.
ONE HOUR LATER:
BELLS AND WHISTLES: Strong and great cocktails, which they fucking well should be for fifteen euros.
FINAL IMPRESSION: Mister Hamburger thinks a burger like this could be better for 15K.
you — not i — will always have paris | joanna
st. regis hotel, roma | mister hamburger
july 14th 2006 | missus hamburger