September 01, 2004
ain't nothin' but a g thing • post/haste
How to get a free gmail account, the hard way:
1. Troll craigslist for ads like this one in which someone asks you to entertain them in exchange for an invitation.
2. Enter a dialogue with the invite-blessed in which you volunteer a film of your girlfriend singing a song about the Blessed in Grand Central Terminal.
3. Forget to make the film. Grow a little desperate.
4. Begin letter writing campaign to various bulletin boards, being sure to include, when relevant, previous work in conflict zones such as Iraq.
5. Succumb to Free Ipod (Scam?) in which the Blessed offers an account in exchange for your pact with Satan. Sign up, but find that your status never reflects having completed an "offer". Receive numerous e-mails from Blessed asking if you've completed the process.
6. Wait patiently. Bide time by attempting to win account from now-defunct "gmail machine" that would ostensibly grant an account to the lucky fuck who selected the correct four out of ten numbers.
7. Receive account from empathetic soul for whom "needing the account for working in Baghdad with high res images" was reason enough to kick down.
8. Repeat entire process for girlfriend who goddamnit wants one too.
How to get a free gmail account the easy way: