two-twenty

the first taste is free • post/haste

Just when you were starting to get used to having us back around... A sizable portion of two-twenty leaves for detox vacation today, so don't expect to hear much from us for ten days or so. Beeyatch.

web-based ephemera: ephemeral edition • post/haste

• A gallery of 80’s era flyers from dance club/performance space Danceteria. Also features an enjoyable introductory sound snippet from “Rudolph”, “the head bimbo at Danceteria”. Danceteria Flyers (via boingboing).

• Ahh, the joy of discovering a new catty celebrity blog. Must be akin to the feeling lindsayism gets when she comes across a particularly awful girly blog. Well, to each his own intoxicant. Witness the new-to-us Conversations With Famous People. Last Sunday was a good day for posts over there, including the two gems excerpted below.

Re: Star “You got your chocolate in my peanut butter” Jones and Al “I prefer chunky style” Reynolds:

As Gal [that’s short for “Gay Al” – ed.] pranced around the hotel room in a silk dressing gown trimmed in ostrich feathers, listening to the strains of Liza Minelli's greatest hits, Starlet took a bath dipping herself in ugly and deep frying her body in a glistening vat of pomposity. Link.

Re: Brit-nay ‘n K-Fed:

Me n' Kev, we's been married five whole munts! Let's see, we gotted married in September, how many is that, y'all? I don't know! I don't have to count, thats what I got Kev for! He's so smart. He can chew Skoal and smoke cigarettes at the same time as putting his pants on. Hands off, y'all. He's mine! Link.

• An interesting story about the neuroscience of marketing, including this frightening but all-too believable statement by 28-year-old Caltech researcher Anette Asp: "We think there are branded brains." Searching for the Why of Buy. (The link is to a free version of the story at yahoo news – originally it came to us from the LA Times by way of adland.)

• A funny site dedicated to abysmally bad or just plain funny query letters received by a couple of Hollywood producers (or wannabe producers, or aspiring comedians, or people with too much time on their hands… we have no idea): Query Letters. A recent winner: I want sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! (Thanks, Tommy, for the link.)

• We are not sure exactly what happened to eurotrash, except that she seems to be ailing, or has ailed, from a collection of obscure 19th century medical conditions. Our diagnosis? Feminine hysteria and general uppity-ness. We hope she gets better. We agree with her opinion that both Martha Stewart (profit from crime: $60,000) and the young lady who served 16 years for carrying 4 oz. of blow from the Bronx to Albany (profit from crime: $2500) both got screwed by The Man. The Man’s profits from crime over the years? I would break my keyboard if I repeatedly hit “0” that many times.

"come from behind victory" sounds kinda dirty if you think about it | alex • post/haste

And so it begins... SRO tickets went on sale this morning for tonight's spring training grudge match between the Yankees and the Red Sox.

The excitement is palpable as millions of fans from both sides of the fence think the same thought, drummed into their head by a relentless onslaught of bad screenwriting and even worse derivative sportswriting: "Bring it on!"

"Girl, it's already been brought-en!"

As an mlb.com story puts it: "Why else would 23-year-old Deborah Kellogg-Van Orden and her 21-year-old sister Rebecca spend two nights on pavement...?"

Um, because they're poor crackwhores? Just kidding, Deborah and Rebecca! We're sure that you're not poor whores, and that if you were, you would prefer cold hard cash in exchange for your services rather than a chance to kiss the glass dick. Why? because New Englanders are nothing if not practical!! Go Sox!

Sox fans ready for Yankees visit | redsox.com

larissa, scourge of the low country • post/haste

We are pleased to announce that, for reasons not entirely known to us but confirmed by incontrovertible sitemeter statistics proof, two-twenty is the third most popular result for the google search terms: "hey LARISSA FUCK OFF".

In Holland.

Thank you to everyone who helped make this possible.

Google zoeken: hey LARISSA FUCK OFF | google.com

this will only be funny to one person, and that person is not you • post/haste

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. We are so happy that you took our "monkeys are always funny" tip. But as with so many other surefire cure-alls, its power dissipates with overuse (think antibiotics; John Hughes movies; heroin).

"Get your hand out of my pants, Brad." "That's not my hand."

Four monkey references in two days? Oh, wait, that last one was to monkeyboy Lachlan Murdoch; only a slant reference. Still, spread the love a little thinner, girl. Try something that used to work quite well for our old iFriend Eurotrash – intersperse the monkey jokes with a few judicious hobbit refer—Oh. We see you already got the memo.

I know, I know… there’s no pleasing some people. Here’s a little carrot: it pleased us no end to see the word “monkeyfucker” used so matter-of-factly yesterday. Inspirational!

"Jesus Juice Saves!"