two-twenty

Burger At Its Best • post/haste

FIRST IMPRESSION: Mister Hamburger, recently of out retirement for a limited time only (he'll quit again after reviewing local take out joints which he uses to order in the future), just called Burger at its Best. The man who answered and took Mister Hamburger's order was weird, but in a funny way. When Mister Hamburger told him the delivery address, the man didn't understand so Mister Hamburger had to say "PENTHOUSE, like the magzine." The man still did not understand so Mister Hamburger said "PENTHOUSE, like the porno mens magazine." And then the man knew what Mister Hamburger was talking about. The man didn't know if he could deliver Hamburgers to Casa del Mister and Missus Hamburger, and when asked to clarify, said "We'll try." And then he laughed. Mister Hamburger thought he was funny. He liked it.

66 Madison Ave (btwn. 27th and 28th streets), New York, NY 10016 +1.212 685 7006

BURGER NAME: Burger Best 6 oz. w/ mozeralla, bacon and a side of Chicken Fingers.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Mister Hamburger, recently of out retirement for a limited time only (he'll quit again after reviewing local take out joints which he uses to order in the future), just called Burger at its Best. The man who answered and took Mister Hamburger's order was weird, but in a funny way. When Mister Hamburger told him the delivery address, the man didn't understand so Mister Hamburger had to say "PENTHOUSE, like the magzine." The man still did not understand so Mister Hamburger said "PENTHOUSE, like the porno mens magazine." And then the man knew what Mister Hamburger was talking about. The man didn't know if he could deliver Hamburgers to Casa del Mister and Missus Hamburger, and when asked to clarify, said "We'll try." And then he laughed. Mister Hamburger thought he was funny. He liked it.

APPEARANCE: The burgers were all wrapped and had been suffocated. Bad news. Mister and Missus Hamburger were very upset that the man misunderstood the order. Missus Hamburger's came in soggy like a lake full of water, but correct. The onions were not up to the standard either. Mister Hamburgers food was wrong. It had no cheese or bacon. Instead, Mister Hamburger, just got meat and mushrooms on a bun that was more like a large body of water.

MEAT: The meat was cooked well, right to specs, and it tasted really good. Amazing for a little diner joint.

BUN: Mister Hamburger doesn't like a defensive moat protecting his meat and especially when he eats a burger. Imagine a medium rare meat castle and the bread moat around it. Does that sound like something you'd like to eat? Mister Hamburger thinks so too.

PACKAGE: There were fires underneath the toasted bun which was underneath the chicken fingers. Mister Hamburger thinks that's weird. That two chicks one cup thing is weird too, but Mister Hamburger thinks that this chicken finger/bun/fire thing was another possible viral sensation.

TASTE: Mister Hamburger thinks the meat was grade A. He loved it. The sauteed onions were terrible. The fries were fat like Mister Hamburgers ego.

DRIPPYNESS: Very good, well cooked. The length of time for delivery sucked up all the juices though, into the bun. Yuck.

MEAT TEXTURE:   For a funny little diner, Mister Hamburger gives them a hamburger hat commendation.

MEAT COLOR: Red in the middle and brown on the outside. Mister Hamburger would kiss the chef. But only if she was the hot lady with red hair from six feet under. Or Missus Hamburger.

SIZE: Mister Hamburger guesses it was about 1/3rd of a pound. Fantastico! That's italian for fantastic!

VALUE: Mister Hamburger likes home delivery. If the bun is like a meat castle's moat, then drown the burger in ketchup. Heinz ketchup.

COOKED TO SPECS:

AMOUNT OF LOVE FROM CHEF: Mister Hamburger thinks the hot chef loves her burgers and is proud. But she doesn't understand what home delivery means. Thats probably because she is a homeless illegal alien, and Bloomberg won't let her have a home. Thanks Mayor. Merry Christmas Chef who has the love of the burger.

FROM DELIVERY PERSON/WAITER: He was fine. Quite polite.

ONE HOUR LATER: Mister Hamburger has good memories of the burger, except the bun moat.

BELLS AND WHISTLES: Mister Hamburger has made farts that taste better than the bells and whistles at this place. And everyone knows that farts are just little bits of feces, which means you're eating shits. That's weird. Mister Hamburger wants you weirdo guys who like the smell of your own farts to think about that.

FINAL IMPRESSION: It was good. Just be sure to ask them for a lot of Ketchup, Heinz Ketchup, because they don't offer much of it.